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Crossing The Celestial Equator Into Light

LightMany years ago, during my darkest hour, I held a small grain of hope that there would be days like today. A still, clear, quiet, sun-dappled morning–children sleeping in upstairs rooms, an old dog curled at my feet. A populated solitude. Alone but not lonely. This is a day extraordinary in its utter ordinariness. I had faith and I am here and I am grateful.

The final years of my first marriage were like walking barefoot along the razor’s edge of sanity. Each careful sliding step away from my old life sliced me to the bone. I was not just leaving a marriage; I was extricating myself from destructive patterns of loving. Truly changing yourself is not an easy exercise. Imagine self-amputation of a seemingly vital organ—you are sure it will kill you—but miraculously it cures.

As a result, there is a dividing line in me as essential in marking my soul’s journey as the equator is to solstice and equinox. Invisibly it divides the point of illumination from darkness–a breathtaking split-screen transformation. It fascinates me that nobody else can see it. Like a tear mended by a master seamstress.

I celebrate the good that came from that time of struggle and I draw upon it often. It colors my appreciation of the present. Nothing is ordinary. Time will often slow down to reveal the vivid beauty of sight and sound, smell, taste and touch. I am calmer, more at peace. My foundation is not easily shaken. I have been to the precipice and I know not only what I can endure, but also what I can overcome. I am wiser, happier, lighter.

All around us are people who embody their own unique experience of crossing their celestial equator from darkness into light. I recognize them more often now. They radiate a luminous quality no less spectacular than the first blooms of spring turning their faces to the sunlight. They too had faith, and they are here, and I am grateful.

Mammaste.

Feel free to share this blog, and share it abundantly!

12 Comments Post a comment
  1. Dear Lori,

    You write so beautifully! Thank you for taking me across the line with your words.

    Much love, Janet

    September 28, 2010
  2. Thank you Janet. The many personal responses I got from people who were touched by this post, that have had similar journeys, really speaks to the fact that we are not alone in our darkest moments. We only feel like we are.

    September 29, 2010
  3. Michelle #

    Lori! I just found your blog and I’m hooked! Thanks for sharing your gift.

    September 29, 2010
    • Michelle! How nice to see you here. Thanks for the kind words, I’m glad you’ve found a connection with the writing. It means so much to me.
      Love,
      Lori

      October 1, 2010
  4. Ginny Bergerson #

    Lori,

    I was home today a little under the weather and had a chance to read your posts. I have had the opportunity to see and read a lot of articles from our reporters and stringer writers being at the paper. A lot of them are award winning writers. Believe me, you are right up there with them! Keep em coming!

    January 4, 2011
    • Wow Ginny, thank you so much. I am glad you like my essays, and that they speak to you! What a nice compliment, it means a lot to me that you took a moment to respond. It is really great to reconnect with you too! Isn’t Facebook great for that?

      January 4, 2011
  5. Dear Lori Anne, I love your post. How beautifully written (wow) but especially how touching to the soul of someone who is so close to waht you described, to the bone. I love this and it made me cry: “I celebrate the good that came from that time of struggle and I draw upon it often. It colors my appreciation of the present. Nothing is ordinary. Time will often slow down to reveal the vivid beauty of sight and sound, smell, taste and touch. I am calmer, more at peace. My foundation is not easily shaken. I have been to the precipice and I know not only what I can endure, but also what I can overcome. I am wiser, happier, lighter.” Because that is how I already feel and I am still in the middle of it. Your post made me excited about how it will be in the other side of the equator!!! Thank you!

    December 10, 2012
    • I recognize you Helena, as a kindred spirit. “All around us are people who embody their own unique experience of crossing their celestial equator from darkness into light. I recognize them more often now. They radiate a luminous quality no less spectacular than the first blooms of spring opening to sunlight.” Helena, you too had faith, and you are here, and I am grateful. ❤

      December 10, 2012
  6. mindy #

    i really needed that-thank you

    December 21, 2012
    • You are so very welcome Mindy. Love.

      December 21, 2012
  7. Reblogged this on mammaste ~ divinity in the everyday.

    December 21, 2012

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